Hold Me Tight: The Expert London Mistresses BDSM Guide For Beginners

Today, interest in BDSM practices has grown more than ever. Although the Marquis de Sade, Pauline Reage, Paulo Coelho and others wrote on this topic. Fiction cinematography also did not ignore such practices. Let us recall at least “Venus in Furs”, “Nine and a half weeks”, ” Fifty Shades of Gray ” or the sensational film ” 365 Days “. Together with an expert, we tried to understand the basic principles of this sexual practice.

What is BDSM?

BDSM is a term that refers to a relationship built on the basis of domination on the one hand and submission on the other. It was introduced in 1969 by Paul Gebhard and was first used in his essay “Fetishism and Sadomasochism”, but similar practices were popular in ancient Greece and Japan. Scientists suggest that the Middle Ages, when the sublime love of a woman, her deification was sung, served as an impetus for the spread of BDSM throughout Europe. The woman was not just loved, she was worshiped, indulged in all whims (including those who were ready to obey unconditionally) and served.

BDSM can be roughly divided into three groups.

• BD (Bondage & Discipline) – bondage, restraint and education. Emotional impact, but often without intense physical pain.

• DS (Domination & Submission) – dominance and submission. Emotional impacts associated with role reversal. One of the partners takes responsibility for the other, demanding obedience.

• SM (Sadism & Masochism) – sadism and masochism. Directly causing and receiving physical pain. For implementation, special devices are used. Roles are defined, but actions may not be accompanied by moral humiliation.

The purpose of everything that happens is to get pleasure from the participants in the process.

In fact, this practice does not necessarily include sex – some actions and foreplay are sometimes much more exciting than the intercourse itself. Tying your partner, turning into a sex slave, whipping, being tied by a chain around your neck and crawling on all fours are just a few examples of different BDSM themed plots.

– explains expert sexologist Annabelle Knight.


Three main rules: safety, voluntariness and rationality. BDSM is built on the reciprocity and consent of all participants in the process, and we are not talking about any coercion, let alone violence. Remember the movie “50 Shades of Gray”, where the main characters signed a kind of contract. This emphasis on informed consent is paramount in BDSM. Before practicing BDSM, you need to discuss all the nuances with your partner, set the boundaries of action and choose a stop word. But first things first.

Many people think that BDSM is a practice without any restrictions, but this is not at all true,

– says Vanessa Marin, a sexologist based in Los Angeles.

The principle of safety means that the upper (or dominant) takes responsibility for the lower (submissive), controls his condition and feels a fine line between risk and pleasure, so as not to pose a threat to life and health.

The principle of voluntariness implies that people themselves agree to all experiments. You can say no at any time.

The principle of rationality means that you need to approach preparation with the utmost responsibility and always prioritize health. You can’t go beyond what is permissible.

Stop word

It is customary to introduce a stop word in advance, which ensures that the current session (this is what BDSM practice is called) stops immediately if something starts to get out of control and the person utters it,

– explains Annabelle.

It could be a word not related to sex, such as pineapple. As a rule, the lower partner uses the stop word, but it can also be pronounced by the upper partner. The main requirement is that it cannot be pronounced by accident. In the United States, the word “anteater” is traditionally used.

Traffic light system

Each color (by analogy with a traffic light) represents how a person feels and what he wants.

Red means stop, then the partner must immediately stop whatever he is doing.

Yellow means “slow down,” meaning that the limit has been reached, or the partner is physically uncomfortable.

Green means that you can continue when everything is pleasant and everyone is absolutely comfortable.

What does it mean to be dominant or submissive?

According to the expert, first you need to decide who will play the dominant role and who will obey.

It is very important for both of them to switch both roles and play both roles. In BDSM, the top is the dominant partner, and the bottom (submissive) is the one who obeys. However, the subordinate may also require you to perform certain actions of their choice and even insist on changing roles,

Annabelle says.

It is important to remember that by accepting the role of the “bottom”, you do not give your lover carte blanche to use you in the way he sees fit,

– says the expert.

If at some point during sex or BDSM play you feel that your partner is overstepping the boundaries, you need to tell him how you are feeling. It is necessary to raise this issue if something causes discomfort,

She says.

Annabelle explains that the position of the submissive lover is based on trust and learning. It means “handing over the reins of your mind and body to your partner.” Being submissive means giving up control, but of course you still have the right to vote. The “upper” partner requires minimal knowledge of anatomy and medicine in general (first aid skills are desirable), training in handling the “device” used, adherence to safety techniques recommended in specific cases, general caution and attention. Some practices, such as play piercing (superficial piercing of the skin with needles), require special training and a lot of practice.

Tops first learn to play piercing on oranges, then on chilled chicken, and then train on their own thigh,

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